As we’ve read in our readings this week, language defines men and women differently. A term which characterizes men and women differently is that of a “bachelor” and “spinster”. A spinster is a woman who has remained single beyond the conventional age for marrying, whereas a bachelor is an unmarried man, PERIOD! Our text discuss that “in Western culture, a woman who doesn’t marry historically has been viewed with sympathy or pity. For years, unmarried American women were called spinsters or old maids; contrast this with the nonpejorative term bachelor for men.” (p. 120)
Modern use of the word “spinster” evokes a mental image of a childless, frumpy, middle-aged woman who is depressed and desires to be like other “normal” women. She is considered a societal outcast who lives in the shadow of others. Our culture has produced generations of women who believed that their true and most important role in society is to get married and have children. Anything short of this role is considered abnormal, unfulfilling, and suspicious and contributed to our psychological profile of spinsters. Given that motherhood has been considered a natural part of a woman’s life, because spinsters don’t have children, they are viewed as abnormal. Something must be wrong with a woman who does not have or may not want marriage and children. Spinsters are pitiful because they cannot have true meaning in life if they do not have a husband and children. They are unfulfilled because they do not have what true women have, which again are a husband and children. Also, married women tend to be suspicious of single women and view them as either a personal or societal threat.
The words used to label the spinster’s male counterpart do not parallel in meaning. “Bachelor” typically implies that a man is young, virile, and available. It doesn’t have the same negative connotations as that of “spinster”. The word bachelor alludes to a healthier sexuality, more normal than the implication for the unmarried female. Unlike the spinster, the fact that a man is not married does not necessarily imply a deficiency in his character.
It’s bad enough women traditionally had been regarded as inferior to men physically and intellectually, but in our society they are also inferior if they are single.
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Yesenia,
ReplyDeleteHow true your post is. I have women friends in their 40's that have never been married nor do they have children and they find themselves being labeled as "spinsters." Its crazy! These are professional women with Masters and PhD’s but just because they choose not to be married or have kids both men and women think that is a problem. As soon as they reveal that part of their life, they automatically hear things like "You don't have a man? What's wrong with you?" Why does something have to be wrong? The best is when people say "What do you mean you don't want to have kids? What kind of life is that?" Why do so many people think that it is a women's job and duty to have children? Some women don't want children and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Every woman was not meant to be a mother.
But our men friends who are in the exact situation don't run into the same comments. They hear things like, "It must be nice not being tied down with a wife and child." I don't understand for the women something is wrong but for the man its nice not being tied down! What a hypocritical world.
I can relate to this when you write of women's most important role being to have children and get married, needing a man to feel complete. Some of my family members are always concerned with the fact that I am still single, and one of the first questions they ask me is, "Do you have a boyfriend?" or "When are you going to bring around that special someone?" What ever happened to the simple, "How are you?" They make me feel like I am breaking some sort of rule, by not having a man in my life. Especially when other members of my family have someone and I seem to be the only one that has yet to find anyone. But it is not like I am looking exactly, it will happen when it is time. Some day I would love to have all of that, but I still have a lot to do for me. There is definitely more to a woman than just fulfilling household duties and bearing children. Women are worth much more in society than the previous. I want to take full advantage of everything that women in the past have struggled to do and paving a path in helping future women achieve what they want.
ReplyDeleteI think it goes in reverse too...when we see a man that isn't married, don't we jump to questioning it...wondering if he is gay...what's up with that! Can't someone choose to be single? Not everyone wants a marriage and/or children...these are unconscious habits that we need to readdress in our society.
ReplyDeleteGreat job on this post this week!
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